The Land Before Time XXXVIII: The Final Adventure
by Tan Wang
Summary: A dangerous adventure! A maniacally evil relative! Gruesome violence! Hilarious insight! Littlefoot and Co. finally learn a really valuable lesson. Short oneshot.


"Littlefoot! Where are you Littlefoot?" yelled Grandpa Longneck. Of course, our favorite never aging dinosaur was off doing something really, really, really dumb.

But what?

Earlier that day, the five clueless creatures went on yet another dangerous adventure to find some stupid artifact or rescue some wayward other dinosaur. This time, Spike's second cousin thrice removed, Spork, had visited the Great Valley because his deaf, dumb, and blind mother had become crippled by a sharptooth attack. Unaware of the "customs" of the Great Valley (such as sharing, cuddling, being kind and all that shit), Spork kidnapped Ducky and fled to the outer rims of the Great Valley.

Of course Grandma and Grandpa don't know this yet. Neither does Cera's horny dad, who obviously keeps all that pent up rage because he has no mate and thusly must resort to dry humping boulders. Neither does Ducky and Spike's Upper Midwestern accented mother, or Petrey's overbearing bitch of a mom. Wait, do any of these dinosaurs have a full set of parents? Petrey doesn't have a dad, neither does Ducky nor spike. Littlefoot has a dick for a dad and no mom, so his grandparents look after him. Cera has no mom. What the ever-loving hell? Isn't this a kid's show? No wonder the dinosaurs are all unruly- they have seriously fucked up family lives!

Back to the kidnapping. Well, let's join the dinosaurs and see what's going on.

"Spike, I can't believe your evil cousin kidnapped your sister. Now we have to go outside the Great valley for the seventeenth time and risk our necks to save her," said Cera.

"Cera, be nice to spike. It's not his fault," replied Littlefoot.

"Longneck shit! You know good and damn well it's his fault. Stop protecting him because he has a disability!" shouted Cera.

Spike was silent.

"Me think you a bad girl, Cera!" said Petrey.

"Me think you need to use proper pronouns!"

"Calm down. We're almost there. We need to be very careful. Remember what the elders said," cautioned Littlefoot.

Flashback to what the Elders said:

"Now, little ones, don't go to the edge of the Great Valley. You don't want your asses eaten off by the sharpteeth, now do you?"

Fast forward back to present time.

"That won't be a problem. My dad says I'm a hard ass," said Cera defiantly.

"Me think that only a figure of speech," replied Petrey.

Spike started eating a shrubbery.

Littlefoot pondered: "I wonder what'll happen when I grow up. Will I have to change my name to Bigfoot?"

The four dinosaurs approached the big, rocky wall protecting the Great Valley. How Spork, a large fat quadruped, got up there is anybody's guess.

"Hey look, a conveniently placed gap in the wall big enough for smaller dinosaurs but not big enough for sharpteeth!" shouted Littlefoot. The quartet pranced through the cave system until they came upon Spork…doing something to Ducky.

"You like that? You need it don't you?" said Spork.

"No, it hurts! You've put that thing in me enough! I want it out!" shouted Ducky.

"I told you not to scream. I'm not trying to hurt you," replied Spork.

"Get away from her, Spork!" shouted Littlefoot, ready to protect the little ducky from a pervert's gruesome hand.

"What, I'm just giving her a vaccination!" said Spork as he turned around. He had a pair of gloves and a hypodermic needle in one hand.

"What?" shouted Cera.

"I tried to tell you. Ducky had an allergic reaction to certain pollen. The pollen was nearly everywhere in the Great Valley, so I had to get her out of there in order to alleviate some of the effects. I'm giving her a vaccine to prevent the sickness. But no, you "heroes" had to romanticize everything, so you turned a simple procedure into a big adventure that, once again, was useless. You live in a fantasy world and it's getting unhealthy! Trust me, I'm a doctor."

Cera's jaw hit the floor.

Littlefoot's neck strained.

Petrey fell to the ground.

Spike still chewed the shrubbery.

Suddenly, a sharptooth came out of nowhere and ripped Spork to shreds, eating his intestines with carnivorous glee.

"AGHHHH! Run!!!!!!!" shouted Littlefoot. The dinosaurs fled, but unfortunately for Petrey, he took Littlefoot's command of "run" a little too literally and didn't take advantage of his flight ability. He was crushed under the awesome might of the sharptooth's powerful foot.

"STOP!" shouted famed paleontologist Dr. Alan Grant.

All the dinosaurs stopped.

"Don't move. They can't see you if you don't move," he said.

"We tried that already. It doesn't work," whispered Cera.

"Well, then you're fucked." Grant hopped into his time machine and disappeared.

Needless to say, Littlefoot's last words were: "Help, my ass is being eaten!"

Only Spike survived. He now eats shrubbery and remains silent at the ripe old age of 78. No one ever found out what happened to the rest of the dinosaurs, due to Spikes "disability".


End file.
